- - Breakdown - -

You called yesterday to basically say
That you care for me but that you're just not in love
Immediately I pretended to be feeling similarly
And led you to believe I was O.K.
To just walk away from the thing one
That's unyielding and sacred to me

Well I guess I'm trying to be nonchalant about it
And I'm going the extremes to prove I'm fine without you
But in reality I'm slowly losing my mind
Underneath the guise of a smile gradually I'm dying inside
Friends ask me how I feel and I lie convincingly
'Cause I don't want to reveal that fact that I'm suffering
So I wear my disguise 'til I go home at night
And turn down all the lights and then break down and cry.......

Zero-X ranted @ 5:02 PM ;
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- - Setengah Hati...Part 2 - -

My previous entry really describe how I feel right now. I admit, I kind of upset today. I feel hurt..but what can I do? I can't do nothing...It's okay though...I will get use to it. It's always painful to fall in love with someone who never loves you in return. I know..call me silly, call me blind, call me crazy. I still want to love that person. It doesn't matter if I will get something in return or not. Just let me be until I'm ready to let go.

I really want to thank Shelly....for being there...for being my shoulder to cry on. Shelly, can't thank you enough baby!! Yeap, you too a good companion to me =). And for Mul..thank you a lot for the advices. Thank you too for offering me a shoulder to cry on and for the concern =). You guys are my great friends...

I'm not upset anymore. After sometimes, it makes me think...what's the point of me crying? I guess I'm just being too sensitive earlier..

Anyway...hope you have a great day..cos today is your day. I wish you well...as always..... =).

Zero-X ranted @ 11:36 PM ;
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Tertegun ku memandangmu
Saat kau tinggalkanku .. menangis
Bodohnya ku mengharapmu
Jelas sudah tak kau perdulikan cintaku

Mestinya telah kusadari
Betapa perih cinta tanpa balasmu
Harusnya tak ku paksakan
Bila akhirnya kan melukaiku

Ku hanya terus berharap
Satu hari kau mampu .. sadari
Tiada yang pernah mengerti
Sepertiku setulus hati mencintaimu

Mungkin ku tak akan bisa jadikan dirimu kekasih
Yang seutuhnya mencintaiku
Namun kurelakan diri
Jika hanya setengah hati
Kau sejukkan jiwa ini

Zero-X ranted @ 11:30 PM ;
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- - Sunday School - -

I can't believe it...I've been out from the house since 9 am..and just come back at around 9.30 pm. Wowww...I've been out the whole day hehe. Yup, Shelly and I planned to attend the church mass at 9 am, but she overslept. So, Shelly asks me to go to her house while waiting for her to get ready. And...she also asks me to join her at Sunday school. It's totally out from my agenda but I give it a try. Afterall, I'm just looking around. That's what I thought.

Hmm at Sunday school, I ended up taking care of those little kids aged from 3 to 6. Sort of baby sitting...In my opinion, it's totally a new experience for me. Yes, I had babysit my little cousins back home....but I guess there is not a problem since we interact in our native language. However, at sunday school, I'm suppose to interact with kids in English. It seems foreign to me.

I'm kind of lost. I'm not sure how to deal with the kids. Hmm...today, I deal with different personality from each kid. And I'm just kind of worried to do something that might upset the kids and they ended up crying. Luckily, it does not happen at all.

However, there is a "pretty difficult" little boy in the sunday school. I tell him something and he just doesn't agree with me. He starts to scream and shouting. Oh my God!!! Bless me..hehehe...his reaction kind of surprise me a lot. And I'm totally confuse...I don't know what to do next and what to say to the kid. I ask for a senior advice and in the end, I just give the kid a silent treatment. And it works.

There are lots of unexpected things happening today. But, I guess it will just enrich my life experience and I'm sure it will be useful if next time I have my own kids hehehehe =P.

One of the seniors actually introduced me to the rest of the team as a teacher. In fact, I just looking around and nothing more. Hmm but it's ok though. I will give it a shot as a teacher. Hm hopefully I will make a good teacher material to the kids hehehe.... And hopefully, the next meeting will be a whole lot more fun =).

Overall, today is a great and fun day =).

Zero-X ranted @ 11:19 PM ;
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- - I Miss You..This Is All I Want To Say... - -

Gimme a reason
Why I'm feeling so blue
Everytime I close my eyes, all I see is you
Gimme a reason
Why I can't feel my heart
Everytime you leave my side, I just fall apart

And when you're fast asleep, I wonder where you go
Can you tell me, I wanna know

Because I miss you
And this is all I wanna say
I guess I miss you, beautiful
These three words have said it all
You know I miss you
I think about you when you're gone
I guess I miss you, nothing's wrong
I don't need to carry on

Gimme a reason
Why I can't concentrate
The world is turning upside down
Spinning round and round
Gimme a reason
Why I now understand
The beauty and simplicity of everything surrounding me

You got a way of spreading magic everywhere
Anywhere I go, I know you're always there
It sounds ridiculous, but when you leave a room
There's a part of me that just wants to follow you too

It's such a hard life in most of the time
I'm just surviving
That's why I want you to know
In the world where sincerity has lost its meaning
You fill my world with so much hope

You know I miss you
And this is all I wanna do
I know it doesn't sound too cool
But maybe I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU

I just miss you
Yeah, it's true
I miss you, baby
And when you're walking out that door
I know I miss you
You make me wanna ask for more
I just miss you
Yeah, it's true
I miss you, baby

I miss ya...baby...

Zero-X ranted @ 3:42 PM ;
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- - Everything I Do ( I Do It For You) - -

Look into my eyes
You will see
What you mean to me
Search your heart
Search your soul
And when you find me there you'll search no more
Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for
You know it's true
Everything I do
I do it for you

Look into my heart
You will find
There's nothin' there to hide
Take me as I am
Take my life
I would give it all I would sacrifice
Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for
I can't help it there's nothin' I want more
Ya know it's true
Everything I do
I do it for you

There's no love
Like your love
And no other
Could give more love
There's nowhere
Unless you're there
All the time
All the way

Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
I can't help it there's nothin' I want more
I would fight for you
I'd lie for you
Walk the wire for you
Ya I'd die for you

You know it's true
Everything I do
I do it for you

Zero-X ranted @ 11:36 PM ;
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- - Blind... - -

Suddenly thinking of hm posting this topic..Yeap, today's topic is blind..
What is blind? According to dictionary...

blind adj.

Unable to see; without useful sight.

I wonder how it feels to be blind. Hm must be very difficult. Can't see anything....can't see colours. Can't see the face of our love ones. Hmm those "visually challenged people" have to depends on their other 4 senses. Hmm they have to learn braille...Hmm what else? How does it feel to live in darkness? How does it feel to be different?

If we think for a while, usually, it's not by choice people go blind. They may be blind since they were born. They don't want to be different, but they are born to be different. But, I guess God is really magnanimous and fair. Even though those people lost their sight, they are gifted with other talents to replace their inadequacy.
Although physically they are blind, but their heart not. Their heart can see and feel kindness. They know who treat them good and who treat them bad.

Hmm wuahh really tough to put my points across in english. Hahaha I also don't know what I'm writing =P. Weak arguments =(.

Anyway, there is a saying " Love is blind". Again, this associated with blindness, but in different context. The saying actually means, whatever the person that you love do, you pretend not to see it or just ignore it. It's like close one of your eye. Hmm...

However, there is another saying "Love is not blind, it sees more not less; but because it sees more, it chooses to see less". And I agree with this =).

So guys...if you are given a choice to be blind...Would u like to be blind? In what context is that? Hmmm.... But I think I fall into the third category hehehehe.....

Zero-X ranted @ 4:47 PM ;
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- - Lonely and Bored... - -

What should I write in my blog??? Hmm I'm still feel lonely though =(. Hiksss...why the loneliness never go away? Hmm really a blue sunday...Nothing to do...nothing to see. All day long I just do nothing. Haizzzz....if only there is something interesting that I can do...something fun, something new. Huaaaaaaaaaaaaa.....why my life is so empty?????

I prefer weekdays instead of weekends. Hahaha i know, it's kind of funny because most of the people looking forward for weekends and I'm just the opposite. The reason why I like the weekdays is that I've got to go to college. At least, it keeps me occupied almost the whole day. In that way, I don't have to wonder what to do next...because the night has come and it's time to sleep.

Hmm what else...I just wondering how to make my life more lively..more meaningful... If only I know how to appreciate my life more........

Zero-X ranted @ 9:16 PM ;
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- - Play Truant - -

Huaaaaaaaaaaaa. To hell with management mathematics. I swear by it..I never ever want to take it anymore. I don't know whether the problem lies with me, or the lecturer or the subject itself. Anyway, I had enough!!! I just walk out from the class during the second half. I already spoke to the college staff during the break time regarding this. Luckily, I don't need to pay any fee for changing the subject. Fuihhhh...

Yup, I really don't come back for the second half of the lesson. But seriously, I'm kind of nervous and scared at the same time. This is considered as my first time to skip class!! Anyway, I guess this is also for my own good...

I leave my bag in the classroom during the break time. Hmm kind of wonder how to get my bag?? Surely, it won't be nice of me to take my stuffs and just walk out like that. It may also disturb the lesson. In the end, I ask a friend's help to pack up my stuffs and bring it to me outside the classroom. Thank goodness, Mark is really helpful =). Thanks a lot yaaa Mark!

I hope I won't regret my decision. And hopefully, my study in corporate finance will be a smooth sailing =).

Zero-X ranted @ 6:07 PM ;
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- - Risalah Hati.... - -

Hidupku tanpa cintamu
Bagai malam tanpa bintang
Cintaku tanpa sambutmu
Bagai panas tanpa hujan
Jiwaku berbisik lirih
ku harus milikimu

Aku bisa membuatmu jatuh cinta kepadaku
Meski kau tak cinta...kepadaku
Beri sedikit waktu biar cinta datang
Karena telah terbiasa

Simpan mawar yang ku beri
Mungkin wanginya mengilhami
Sudikah dirimu untuk
Kenali aku dulu
Sebelum kau ludahi aku
Sebelum kau robek hatiku

Aku bisa membuatmu jatuh cinta kepadaku
Meski kau tak cinta...kepadaku
Beri sedikit waktu biar cinta datang
Karena telah terbiasa

Hidup tanpa cintamu
Bagai malam tanpa bintang
Cinta tanpa sambutmu
Bagai panas tanpa hujan....

Haizzz this is exactly how it suppose to be. If someone never love you in return. Hmm seems like the song suited me best. I don't care if he doesn't love me back. It's perfectly okay. I never ask anything in returns. I know you won't love me no matter what. But....I just want to be there for you. So...just let me love you a little longer...until I'm ready to let go....

Zero-X ranted @ 10:36 PM ;
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