- - Under EXAM STRESSS - -

I can't believe it...time move soo fast. I keep telling myself, there is still tomorrow to study for my mock exam. Tomorrow....tomorrow....and here I am....With just 6 days left for the mock. Still nothing inside my head. This is really bad.....I'm struggling now...to stuff as much knowledge as possible. How can I go to the war with unloaded gun????? I must persevere.....till the end. STUDY STUDY STUDY!!!! JIA YOUUUUUU!!

Zero-X ranted @ 9:22 AM ;
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- - AND I DON"T CARE!!!!! (Just crap...not worth reading) - -

Today......just another sunday. As usual, my weekend is spent by just staying at home. I think staying at home is not so bad.....I have my own little space. If I go out, for sure.....I will walk aimlessly....what a waste of time. No where to go....no where to hide....what a sad story... I only got my little shell....my home. Sometimes, how I wish I can just go out from my shell....but...it's a cruel world out there....I'm not ready yet. Maybe someday.....

I start to learn one thing....for my own survival...I must learn to on an attitude called, "AND I DON"T CAREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!" I will not care what other people think of me.... I don't care what other people want to say about me. Just say whatever you want to say...because I'll be closing my ears real tight...and I will sing very very loud. Louder than your cruel words. I hope words can't bring me down. I'm not like what they said. Listen closely, because I can't hear a single damn thing from your cruel and filthy mouths.

Those people out there.....who do you think you are? Who are you guys to talk about me like that??? Do you think you really know me?? Let me tell you this. YOU DON"T KNOW ME!!! SO STOP PRETENDING to know me...and stop WAGGING your tongue because in the end...you might bite your own tongue. I tell you this because I still have "pity" for you. I think you don't even know yourself. Search deep down into your soul first before you talk bad about me...OK?????

Ps: Hehehe this is crap....forget all this after you had finished reading. JUST ANOTHER CRAP>>>REALLY!! Peace forever hehe....

Zero-X ranted @ 6:36 PM ;
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- - The Right Way - -

I keep thinking 'bout baby what it's all about
I keep thinking 'bout baby what it's all about

Thinking back to the time
When I was so into you
I thought that I knew it all
My perception of love was
It was something to do
But I didn't expect the fall
I understand your feelings now
I know I must of let you down
But I wonder would you be around
If I loved you the right way

(I keep thinking 'bout, baby what it's all about)
Loved you the right way
(I keep thinking 'bout, baby what it's all about)
I woulda put that smile upon your face
(Baby what it's all about)
If I loved you the right way
(Keep thinking 'bout, baby what it's all about)

Never thought that I'd thank you
For the hurt and the pain
It might change us
It could be boy
Yes I needed to look at my intentions again
I didn't give enough to you
My mind has never been so clear
And I feel my happiness is near
But I wonder would you still be here.....
If I loved you the right way

You deserve the right way
I shoulda put that smile upon your face
I shoulda kept you in my warm embrace
If I loved you the right way
(I keep thinking 'bout, baby what it's all about)

Sometimes love is so mistaken
Simple values pushed aside
Modern love is just a ride
When it's over no-one seems to care...

If I ever find myself with someone new
I'll remember what I learned from you
And I will love him the right way

Love him the right way
I will put that smile upon his face
I will keep him warm in my embrace
(I keep thinking 'bout, baby what it's all about)

I will love, him baby
I wanna make each day a better day
Never gonna sacrifice, on you
I will love him the right way
(I keep thinking 'bout, baby what it's all about)..........
I will love him the right way for sure.....

Zero-X ranted @ 8:27 AM ;
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- - Wanna Have Some More Fun!! - -

For the past three days, I feel very bored. However, today I really have fun and do mischievious thing together with other classmates. After our sociology tutorial, there are seven of us going to Singapore Shopping Centre to eat. We see this leaflet about pool. Suddenly, I don't know whose idea and we ended up playing pool upstairs =P. I really enjoy the game. One of my classmates compliment me that my pool skill is improving. Hahaha really? I haven't play pool for sometimes already. Perharps, just lucky =). We missed our management tutorial class for 45 minutes =P.

Suddenly, one of my classmates give me a call but I'm busy playing. Then he calls Vie...he says that we need to do our assignment 4 as a test, mark will be taken. So....we rushed back to the class.

After class, Ris, Vie and I go and watch Bridget Jones' Diary : Edge of Reason. I think it's a good show. It makes me laugh.....good laugh indeed =D.

Zero-X ranted @ 8:43 PM ;
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- - @#$%^&! - -

Wednesday....wednesday.....nothing much happening. Life goes on as usual. Such a routine life. I wish to do the ordinary thing in extraordinary way but how??? I'm still figuring it out.

I realise that I'm getting lazier each day. Don't feel like doing anything....always looking forward for the day to end. Looking forward for the night to come so I can just sleep. No more worries.

I miss the day....when I enjoying myself, walk home.....Hm...but...I don't know when I'm going to do it again. I just feel exhausted. Each day, seems like all my energy is drained. Or perharps, my energy is just drained out because I'm doing stuffs which is totally unimportant?? I don't know.

Whatever it is....I guess I had changed... I miss my old self very much but I could never go back to that time ever. There is just one way out, got to hold on or the best is move on.

Zero-X ranted @ 6:32 PM ;
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- - God Knows - -

When you feel tired and hopeless from everything you do...
God knows how hard you had tried.

When you had cried for so long and your heart still aching,
God has count your tears.

If you think that your life has been waiting for something
And time seems to just passed by...
God always be with you...waiting...

When you feel alone and all your friends are too busy to call
God always be by your side...

When you think you had tried everything...
And do not know what else to do...
God has the answers...

When everyting seems like doesn't make sense
And you feel lost and pressurised,
God can comfort you....

When you suddenly see the traces of hope
God is whispering to you....

When everything going smoothly
And you feel like saying your grace,
God has blessed you.....

When something beautiful is happening,
And you are in amazement,
God has smiled at you....

When you have purpose to be fullfil,
And dreams to be realised
God has opened your eyes,
And calls your name....

Remember....
Where ever you go or where ever you are,
GOD KNOWS!

Zero-X ranted @ 10:12 AM ;
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- - Power Of Prayer 2 - -

I pray You'll be our eyes
And watch us where we go
And help us to be wise
In times when we don't know
Let this be our prayer
When we loose our way

Lead us to a place
Guide us with Your grace
To a place where we'll be safe

I pray we'll find our light
And hold it in our heart
When stars go out each night
Let this be our prayer
When shadows fill our day

Lead us to a place
Guide us with Your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe

We ask that life be kind
And watch us from above
We hope each soul will find
Another soul to love

Let this be our prayer
Just like every child
Needs to find a place
Guide us with Your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe

Zero-X ranted @ 8:12 PM ;
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_________

Today's lesson going on as usual. However, during economics lecture, we need to fill up the lectures/tutors evaluation. Anyway, I give good feedbacks about the lecturers and tutors.

Yesterday, I went to the church. I learnt about the power of prayer. According to gospel of Luke chapter 11, verse 9 : "And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you". For the verse 10 : "For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened".

According to gospel of Ephesians chapter 6, verse 18 : "with all prayer and supplication praying at all seasons in the Spirit, and watching thereunto in all perseverance and supplication for all the saints".

Zero-X ranted @ 8:00 PM ;
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- - Sunny Sunday - -

I wake up this morning and I look outside the window. It's a sunny day. I still remember last night I kind of lost my consciousness...to be exact...almost lost my consciousness. My head was very heavy, spinning....couldn't think very straight....my brain was very lazy to think. Maybe that's what people called drunk....but I'm still sober. I can still type my blog last nite, wrote what I feel.....I really knew what I was doing. Hmmm I remember I mixed 12% wine with 40% vodka and drank them.

I remember last night....I didn't think too much anymore...not like the previous nights. I just tossed and turned for little while and I fall asleep in a very deep sleep...I remember I did cry but I'm not sure what was the reason. Perharps it was because I got headache or perhaps something else....I don't know.

Zero-X ranted @ 8:33 AM ;
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- - Winter - -

Saturday....saturday....saturday.....just a saturday. The season will not change. If only the season will change to winter....hmm I wish for a beautiful winter...Where the trees covered with the snow. And everything will appear to be white.....Winter....the weather will be very cold. But I don't mind....I just want to play with the snow. I want to see the real snow....I want to touch it, feel it in my hands.

Then....I will shape the snow into ball. Throw it....I think it will be very fun. If only I don't have to play alone....I don't have to cry. But when I cry in the winter....I think my tears will be frozen...It's very cold outside....

The lake is frozen...and I walk on it. It's very slippery. I fall....and I hurt my ankle. Suddenly, the weather is getting colder....Is there someone out there???? I guess not....I'm all alone in such a big place. A foreign place that I never know before....I'm still looking...still looking for the way out.

Despite of the pain....I carry on walking. Just walking straight to the east direction.... direction of the sun. I walk on the thin ice....on the lake surface. The ice is very thin and I fall into the lake. I try to swim....to the surface.....but both of my legs are cramp....the water is very cold.

Somehow, I still couldn't reach the surface....I don't want to give up. But....the ice starts to harden... I couldn't see the light anymore....I'm deep inside the lake. I knock against the hard ice.....try to break free....Still...I couldn't break free......I'm so scared....the darkness starts to engulf me....If only someone out there can hear me......Please....let me out.... Can anybody hear me???

Zero-X ranted @ 11:42 PM ;
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- - Just Another Day - -

Time seems to move very slow.....We have econs make up class today. It's very tiring because we have to wait for 3 hours then the lesson start. Vie, Ris, Mark and I go to Wisma Atria for lunch. Mark is very sweet....he order a birthday cake for his girlfriend, and also...want to buy flower. Hmm....wondering when is my turn. After that, we go back to the school for econs lecture.

Zero-X ranted @ 6:23 PM ;
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- - I'll Cry Me A River - -

It's over and done
But the heartache lives on inside
And who's the one you're clinging to
Instead of me tonight?

And where are you now, now that I need you?
Tears on my pillow wherever you go
I'll cry me a river that leads to your ocean
You never see me fall apart

In the words of a broken heart
It's just emotion that's taken me over
Caught up in sorrow
Lost in my soul
But if you don't come back
Come home to me, darling
Don't you know there's nobody left
In this world to hold me tight
Don't you know there's nobody
Left in this world to kiss goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight

I'm there at your side
I'm part of all the things you are
But you've got a part of someone else
You've got to find your shining star

And where are you now, now that I need you?
Tears on my pillow wherever you go
I'll cry me a river that leads to your ocean
You never see me fall apart

In the words of a broken heart
It's just emotion that's taken me over
Caught up in sorrow
Lost in my soul
But if you don't come back
Come home to me, darling
Don't you know there's nobody
Left in this world to hold me tight
Nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight........

Zero-X ranted @ 5:09 PM ;
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- - Boring....Boringgg!!! - -

Wednesday....I just don't like it!! The mood always very gloomy....sleepy...lazy....you name it all! Hm....at least I manage to open my eyes wide open till the last period of the day.....I manage to answer a couple of questions correctly which is asked by my management lecturer. During management class, I really want to pee....but errm it's impolite to go out just like that. Further more, we are not in the big classroom....so will be very easy to be noticed. I "hold" it for about 30 minutes.....really a torture!!

After class, I rush to the nearest toilet...We have our lecture at the 7th floor. Unfortunately, the toilet is all occupied and I need to go 4 level down. The lift is very slow and packed....so I decided to go down by the stairs. At last I find unoccupied toilet at the level 3.....Fuihhhhh....

Zero-X ranted @ 6:34 PM ;
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- - Love Me Tender....Love Me True... - -

Love me tender, love me sweet
Never let me go
You have made my life complete
And I love you so

Love me tender, love me true
All my dreams fulfill
For, my darling I love you
And I always will.

Love me tender, love me dear
Tell me you are mine
I'll be yours through all the years
'Till the end of time

Love me tender, love me true
All my dreams fulfill
For, my darling I love you
And I always will

Love me tender, love me true
All my dreams fulfill
For, my darling I love you
And I always will
Always will.........

Zero-X ranted @ 9:33 AM ;
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- - Matrix - -

I had spend hours and hours doing my maths tutorial. It's about matrix. As I remembered, matrix is not a difficult topic in maths....because I had learnt it before in Secondary School. Hmmmm.....my tutor only teaches me a method....I don't like that method. It's very confusing....I don't think there is only a method to solve the matrix problem....

Zero-X ranted @ 9:32 PM ;
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_________

- - Hmmm.... - -

A boyfriend of mine happily told me that he thinks he fall in love again. I'm very happy for him. Even though I don't know the complete story of how he broke up with his ex-girlfriend, at last he finds someone again. It was really a sad situation when I saw him cry last time....He told me, often when he is looking....he end up with someone who does not suit him. When he stopped looking, the right girl come along.

Hmmm perhaps, the saying : "Love will come to you when you least expected it " is really true. Or even perharps, time factor is not really a matter because he barely know this girl. I mean, he doesn't know the girl for a long time. Maybe, what matters most is the right click. What a happy story...I wish him the best of love and luck =).

As for me....I don't know. Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible and achieves the impossible. Should I hope??? Is it right for me to hope?? I'm really scared to hope for something now....really really scared. All the time, when I start to hope, most of the time all my hopes always dashed in a blinking of the eye. Can I be given another chance to nurture my hope without having it dashed??? Is it really wrong to hope for something???

I told myself....I don't want to believe in those fairy tales anymore. It's because it never comes true. I mean....it's just a power of imagination that makes everything so beautiful. It's human nature to love something beautiful. However, the fact is not as beautiful as we think or imagine. Nothing in this world is as beautiful as we desired them to be.... I told myself....I have enough of "flying", I'm tired. I just want to walk bare footed.......

Maybe one day, if those fairy tales do come true, let me believe in all those magic once again. And let me "fly" once and for all.....Fly and fly so high above....up to the sky....and from the sky I can see the beautiful world just like in the fairy tales. I hope this is not another of my wishful thinking....Can I still hoping???

Zero-X ranted @ 8:06 PM ;
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- - A Love That Will Last - -

I want a little something more
Don't want the middle or the one before
I don't desire a complicated past
I want a love that will last

Say that you love
Say I'm the one
Don't kiss and hug me and then try to run
I don't do drama
My tears don't fall fast
I want a love that will last

I don't want just a memory
Gives me forever
Don't even think about saying good-bye
Cuz I want just one love to be enough
And remain in my heart till I die

So call me romantic
Oh I guess that must be so
There's something more that you oughta know
I'll never leave you
So don't even ask

I want a love that will last
Forever
I want a love that will last

So there's little more that I need
I wanna share all the air you breathe
I'm not the kinda girl to complicate the past
I want a love that will last

Forever
I want a love the love that last
Always
I just want a love that will last
Want a love that will last....

I want just one love to be enough
And remains in my heart till I die...

Zero-X ranted @ 2:10 PM ;
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- - Miss Friday - -

Today, I don't feel like coming to school. However, after some consideration....I choose to come for study skills lesson. It's because...I think it's better for me to go out and get some fresh air. Friday is not so bad. After class, we go to Lido, the 5th floor....eat, eat and eattttt until we are very full. No day without big meal huh??? =P. After our lunch, we go and watch Bride and Prejudice. Hahahaha just like most Indian's movies...a lot of singing and dancing. It's a funny and an entertaining movie =).

Zero-X ranted @ 8:35 PM ;
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- - Unbreak My Heart - -

Don't leave me in all this pain
Don't leave me out in the rain
Come back and bring back my smile
Come and take these tears away
I need your arms to hold me now
The nights are so unkind
Bring back those nights when I held you beside me

Un-break my heart
Say you'll love me again
Undo this hurt you caused
When you walked out the door
And walked outta my life
Un-cry these tears
I cried so many nights
Un-break my heart
My heart

Take back that sad word good-bye
Bring back the joy to my life
Don't leave me here with these tears
Come and kiss this pain away
I can't forget the day you left
Time is so unkind
And life is so cruel without you here beside me

Don't leave me in all this pain
Don't leave me out in the rain
Bring back the nights when I held you beside me

Un-break my heart
Say you'll love me again
Undo this hurt you caused
When you walked out the door
And walked outta my life
Un-cry these tears
I cried so many, many nights
Un-break my

Un-break my heart ohh baby
Come back and say you love me
Un-break my heart
Sweet darlin'
Without you I just can't go on
Can't go on

Zero-X ranted @ 10:05 PM ;
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_________

Today, actually I don't feel like going out....but Vie asked me to go to her house. Mar is also coming....so in the end I just go to Vie's house. It's not hard to find my way to her house. When I reach there, it's raining heavily. After a while the rain stops and we go and have our late lunch nearby. Hmmm I really eat a lot. I'm starving....I haven't eaten anything since morning. After eating nasi lemak, I order 10 sticks of satay.

On our way back to Vie's home, I buy a can of heineken beer and drink it straight away when we get home. Ermmm I think it tastes horrible. I prefer wine instead. However, I gulped the beer down anyway with the help of chocolate. I still sober after drinking a can of beer hehehe =D. We don't do much though......

At about 6 plus, we go to novena square to have our dinner. Eat, eat and eat!!! I love eating. And guess what?? I gained 2 kgs within a week!!! Maybe lately I always sleep early and it helps... So...3 kgs more to go =)

Zero-X ranted @ 9:15 PM ;
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- - Goodbye To You - -

Of all the things I've believed in
I just want to get it over with
Tears form behind my eyes
But I do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by

I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
It feels like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend
And I said

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything that I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems that I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light
But it's not right

And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time
I want what's yours and I want what's mine
I want you
But I'm not giving in this time

And when the stars fall
I will lie awake
You're my shooting star

Zero-X ranted @ 8:33 AM ;
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_________

- - Fuihhhh - -

Today is the economics test after 3 weeks of waiting. Thank Goodness I get it over with. Hmmm....I don't know if I do well this time....but I know that I spend too much time doing 1 question and I didn't complete the other question =(. Next, at last we get our study guide but it's really heavy, just like a packed of A4 size paper.

After class, six of us go to far east to have dinner together. Today is Vena's bday. Hmm just wondering...for the past 3 days, papa keep calling me. He said he is worried about me and doesn't want me to go out till very late. When I reach home, papa calls me again...asks me whether I had done my homework. Papa really concern about me =). I really love my papa =D.

Zero-X ranted @ 9:25 PM ;
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- - False Hope... - -

When you go fishing, after you hook the fish make sure you take the fish. Don't ever let go of the fish. Don't let it back to the water. It hurts by the sharpness of the hook and the fish may suffer while it still alive.

Just like when you start giving a lot of hopes to someone....After he or she starts loving you, please take good care of his or her delicate heart. Don't ever leave him or her....because he or she might be hurt for all the memories you had shared together. Possibly, he or she will never forget everything while he or she still remembers you...

Zero-X ranted @ 7:23 PM ;
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- - I love You For Sentimental Reasons - -

I love you
for sentimental reasons,
I hope you do believe me,
I've given you my heart

I love you
and you alone were meant for me
please give your loving heart to me
and say we'll never part

I think of you every morning
Dream of you every night
Darling I'm never lonely
whenever you are in sight

I love you
for sentimental reasons
I hope you do believe me
I've given you my heart

I love you for sentimental reasons
I hope you do believe me
I've given you my heart............

Zero-X ranted @ 10:46 PM ;
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_________

- - Love, Me - -

Don't be too good I will miss you.
Don't be too caring, I might like you.
Don't be too Sweet, I might fall for you.
It's hard for me to love you when you won't love me after all...

Bottom-line : A person who makes me love him is actually a person who loves me more than I love him.

If someone comes into your life and becomes a part of you but for some reasons he couldn't stay, don't cry too much... Just be glad that your paths crossed and somehow he made you happy even for a while.

Bottom-line : Time will tell. If he's yours he will surely come back.

Don't throw your back to love when it's already in front of you. Don't drive it away from you because if you do, someday you'll think again why you let love fly away when it was once residing next to you.

Bottom-line : Treasure the one who loves you! It's not easy to find a person who loves you. It's always more valuable to have a sincere heart.

The greatest regrets in our lives are the risks we did not take. If you think something will make you. happy, GO FOR IT. Remember that we pass this way only once.

Bottom-line : Time doesn't wait. If you think you might have found the right one, treasure the person, don't let that person get away. Don't let fear hold You back. Give it a try else you might regret later... "No one other than ourselves know what can truly make us happy."

Two tear drops were floating down the river. One teardrop said to the other, "I'm the teardrop of a girl who loved a man and lost him. Who are you?" ..."I'm the teardrop of the man who regrets letting a girl go..."

Bottom-line : Nobody will sympathize with a person who constantly lets chances pass by without making any efforts to salvage them. We normally don't realize how important our loved and close ones are until they leave us, and then we start regretting, which results in misery.
Lost time is NEVER gained again.

Loving involves two phases. The first intuitive one loves the person because of who he/she is. The second nobler one loves the person despite of who he/she is not. The first one sparks love.The second one makes it last.

"We always think that we lost something... but the truth is we never did... not because we never had it...but because we never appreciated it"

In front of the person you like, your heart beats faster.But in front of the person you love, you get happy.

In front of the person you love, winter seems like spring. But in front of the person you like, winter is just beautiful winter.

If you look into the eyes of the one you like, you blush. But if you look into the eyes of the one you love, you smile.

In front of the person you like, you can't say everything on your mind. But in front of the person you love, you can.

In front of the person you like, you tend to get shy. But in front of the person you love, you can show your own self.

You can't look straight into the eyes of the one you like. But you can always smile and stare into the eyes of the one you love.
But when the one you like is crying, you end up comforting.
When the one you love is crying, you cry with them.

The feeling of like starts from the ear.
But the feeling of love starts from the eye.
So if you stop liking a person you used to like, all you need to do is cover your ears.
But if you try to close your eyes, love turns into a drop of tear and remains in your heart forever......

Zero-X ranted @ 7:02 PM ;
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_________

- - Yet Another Wednesday... - -

Nothing much happen today....but I doze off a little while during management class. The lecture is soooo boring...Still have my headache =(.

Zero-X ranted @ 6:28 PM ;
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- - Chickeeennnn - -

This morning, I use the discussion room in the library. Hmmm....strange though...the librarian is very nice to me today. Usually, she likes to scold the students. Of course, I never escape from her scolding too =P. I'm doing my economics tutorial at the discussion room.

During lunch time, I eat chicken wings because I had heavy breakfast in the morning. Wuihhh the chicken wings very gross....very oily. I don't know how I manage to finish them....but I do finish them. Chicken wing is one of my favourite food. However, after eating the chicken wings...I don't feel like eating chicken wings anymore for the time being.

I don't fall asleep during class today =).

However, I've got a very bad headache after I finish my lunch. Until now, the headache still persist.....I guess I just have to sleep early. The best is to sleep right now!

Zero-X ranted @ 6:49 PM ;
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_________

- - Strange Dreams - -

Last night I had all sorts of dreams and all of them errm kind of strange. In my dream, I drive a car but since I don't know how to drive it, I crash into other people's car...This happen in my home town. And there is a traffic jam because of me. My car move backwards, and I don't know how to stop the car. I step onto the break and still the car doesn't stop. The car keeps moving backwards and I try to avoid other cars that coming into my direction by moving the steering wheel. In the end, my car crashed into the road divider but lucky I'm not injured. This accident happen in front of my house. Then, the next thing I know, when I'm into this chaotic situation, I notice that my neighbour held a death ceremony. What a dream!!!

My dream doesn't end here. I dream that I packed my luggage in a hurry...because I want to catch an earlier flight to Singapore. My dad told me to take a night flight but I disobey him. I go to the airport...and got an earlier flight but I don't bring my luggage and passport along. I call home....ask someone to bring them for me to the airport. However, no one does so. In the end, I just go home and choose the night flight instead.

At night, when my dad wants to drive me to the airport, I receive a call. Someone tells me that my little brother is sick...and he is hospitalise. At that moment, I'm very worried about my brother and I want to cancel my trip to Singapore. However, my dad tells me to go ahead, just go to Singapore. He says he can take care of my sick brother.

I don't understand why my dream is soooo strange. In addition, none of them is a good dream. I hope it is not a bad omen.

Zero-X ranted @ 7:11 PM ;
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